


Dorwinion Wine

by hchollym



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Awkward situations, Crack, Dwarf/Elf Relationship(s), M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-29 20:31:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6392572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hchollym/pseuds/hchollym
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Legolas just wanted his best friend and his father to get along. That is, until they drank a little too much Dorwinion wine, and suddenly that's not such a good idea anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dorwinion Wine

**Author's Note:**

> This is absolute crack and should not be taken seriously. I've been depressed lately, and I just needed to write something to cheer myself up. I enjoyed writing Gimli/Thranduil last time, so here we are.
> 
> Comments are always lovely <3

_Give them Dorwinion wine_ they said. _It will be great_ they said. 

They were fools. 

Legolas gritted his teeth as he tried to block out the noises assaulting his eardrums with his hands. He had had such high hopes for the evening. Ever since he arrived in the realm with Gimli, his father and the dwarf had done nothing but clash. When they weren’t arguing, they were giving each other the silent treatment.

_Just like children_ Legolas had thought in annoyance. He was over it. All he wanted was for his father and his best friend to get along. Was that so much to ask? So he devised a plan – with the help of a few other people who were now on his revenge list. 

He would get Gimli and Thranduil drunk on Dorwinion wine. It was incredibly potent stuff, and the hope was that it would relax the two into having a civil conversation. Maybe they would even find out that they had something in common. It would serve as an ice-breaker between them, and that would make Legolas’ life so much easier.

He had never been so wrong in all his life.

Getting them drunk was easy – they were both more than willing to use wine as a way to endure the other’s company for longer than necessary. The problem was what happened _after_ , when the wine kicked in. 

It’s all fun and games until your father and your best friend start groping each other under the table. 

And then _on_ the table. 

Apparently Legolas’ encouragements to _have a little more_ had gone too far. Like Mount Doom too far. 

Seeing Gimli on top of his father while Thranduil rutted against the dwarf was something that Legolas could have lived his whole – long – life without ever seeing. He shuddered at the memory. 

If that wasn’t bad enough, he was now forced to listen to their _activities_. His excellent Elvish hearing prevented him from blocking out the noises that were coming from the room next to his. Covering his ears with his hands wasn’t working, so he tried a pillow. And a dresser. He was very tempted to just cut the pesky things off and be done with it. Deafness seemed preferable to this. 

He was learning quite a bit more about his father and best friend than he ever wanted to. For instance, it was entirely unnecessary for him to learn that his father was a very vocal, demanding bottom. Likewise, he really didn’t think that he needed to know that Gimli liked to whisper absolutely _filthy_ things while he was in bed. Really, there was no reason that a tongue should ever go _there_. 

Legolas groaned and rubbed his eyes. He never thought that he would say it, but he really wished that they still hated each other. When Thranduil cried out in climax and Gimli followed with an almost-roar, Legolas threw up a little in his mouth. 

Oh they were _never_ allowed to drink Dorwinion wine again.


End file.
